Here With Me - Dido

I didn't hear you leave


I wonder how am I still here

I don't want to move a thing

It might change my memory



Oh I am what I am

I'll do what I want but I can't hide

I won't go I won't sleep

I can't breathe until you're resting here with me

I won't leave I can't hide

I cannot be until you're resting here with me



I don't want to call my friends

They might wake me from this dream

And I can't leave this bed,

Risk forgetting all that's been



Oh I am what I am

I'll do what I want,

But I can't hide

I won't go, I won't sleep,



I can't breathe,

Until you're resting here with me

I won't leave, I can't hide,

I cannot be until you're resting here with me

What I Heard and What I Really Wanted to Hear

"If you know it's too difficult, it will be wise not to continue."
If you don't want to get hurt, just stop right here.

"You've imagined some much more difficult situation than this. You can get through this. This is possible."
idem
"That is almost impossible. I know how it feels."
I did not get through that. You will not either. Come on, seriously, you will not surpass what I tried to achieve.

I am as thin as dust
I am not resistant to wind or water or fire
Good thing is, I have been resistant to everything else

So I said to myself, over, over, over, and over again
Maybe I cannot stand up the entire time
Maybe I break down, fall apart into desperation
Maybe I'll get stuttered and stuck sometimes
One thing I am quite sure
And for that I can quite go on

You

And as bullshit that this may sound, you and I will get through

We do not quite know how
But we quite know, we will.

And as for the relativity..
We may not last forever
As in things may not be difficult forever

Over and over again I have to say these things to myself
To make sure I've plunged into the deep ocean of the unknown

Seriously, I can't even believe when I say this
I'm taking a leap of faith, for myself, and for you

No, it is not sacrifice in any kind
It is what I chose
It is somewhat, one of the things I know that keeps me going on living

When I Fall in Love

It's either Mind-blowing, or Acceptable. Never both.

posted from Bloggeroid

dan

seperti biasa hari sedikit dingin
sejuk ramah mencoba membelai
hatinya yang sedang berusaha bangkit
menyaring tetes-tetes kebahagiaan dari ceriamu yang padat
dia lalu memahami, inilah mungkin tandanya
tanda untuk dia berhenti
karena dia sendiri pun tak yakin untuk menarikmu
apakah dia bisa membuatmu seceria ini, dia tak tahu pasti
dan dia merasa kau pantas memperoleh yang pasti
bukan sekelebat masa bahagia palsu bersamanya

maka dia duduk bersama angin sejuk,
secangkir kopi pahit panas dan berbatang-batang rokok
berduka atas cintanya yang terbukti masih begitu dangkal
ini bukan akhir yang dia rencanakan
tapi dia tahu pasti ini akhir yang terbaik untuk semua orang, kecuali dia
berulang kali dia jatuh cinta
kali ini dia merasa jatuh cinta sudah benar
tapi tampaknya sebenar apapun, tetap saja salah
tidak apa, hembus asap rokoknya yang sarat uap air dan kesedihan

sekilas dia mencoba menghubungimu
menguji kewarasan hatinya sekali lagi
kau membalas, dan baiklah, katanya
yang sudah selesai memng sudah selesai

dia merasa masih sakit,
tapi jauh dalam hati dia bersorak
damai dan tenang, akhirnya
lepaskan dan maka dunia akan kembali merengkuh dirinya, pikirnya

perpisahan yang diam, yang dia lakukan sepihak
sakit tapi pasti
sedih tapi membebaskan

sampai jumpa di kesempatan berikutnya,
saat kita boleh saling jatuh cinta lagi

RasanyaRasanya

rasanya keluh kesah tak akan pernah cukup
rasanya semua amarah di bumi tak juga bisa mewakilkan
rasanya semua dendam yang bersejarah pun tak bisa
rasanya
rasanya
mau tidak mau semua memang dirasa
rasanya diafragma mengeras
rasanya paruparu pun mengecil
rasanya jantung balapan berdenyut
rasanya semua ilmu bertahuntahun sekolah pun tiada guna
rasanya semua siasia
rasanya berenang berkilokilo tak bisa meluapkan
rasanya kok begini ya
rasanya kadang saya tak sanggup teruskan
rasanya ingin punya senapan mesin
rasanya kok ingin menyiksa dengan pisau
rasanya saya tahu benci ini untuk siapa
rasanya saya ingin potong sedikit sedikit
rasanya biar mati pelanpelan supaya ada teriakan mohon maaf
rasanya saya cuma pengen dengar ungkapan maaf dan penyesalan
rasanya saya cuma berharap terlalu tinggi
rasanya saya ingin ciptakan kisah penderitaan untuknya
rasanya saya hidup siasia
rasanya semua yang pernah dilihat, didengar, dikecap, dan disentuh palsu
rasanya saya sakit
rasanya saya perlu sembuh


sayang sekali, rasanya saya tidak tahu gimana caranya

Sedikit

yang ingin kutulis kali ini
sesederhana kesadaran diri
rasa senang karena bisa jatuh suka
rasa senang melihat kamu dari jauh
rasa geli karena lagi-lagi kusadar kamu jauh dari jangkauan
entah apa yang salah
adakah hati ini sakit jiwa
ataukah otak yang memang tak ingin dijamah
maaf mungkin merusak keseimbanganmu
maaf mungkin menggoyah sedikit duniamu
tapi meski hanya sedikit aku sudah bisa puas
mungkin hati ini memang butuh yang sedikit
atau mungkin otak memang butuh hanya sedikit
sedikit perhatian
sedikit sayang
sedikit suka
sedikit harapan
sedikit ruang
sedikit dari sudut kecil hidupmu

Perpisahan, Bukan?

perpisahan kita tak pernah berawal
puluhan jalan derung asap terlalui
apa boleh buat hati tak pernah bisa berbual
segala tercurah dalam es waktu yang terlampaui

pening di dada berdentum-dentum
terpaku pada tangkai sepi yang tinggal sekuntum

sungguh mati selamat tinggal kupaksa
meski dalam hati otak dan darah masih ada rasa

tak ada 'seandainya' yang mampu kuucap
'seandainya kita tak usah bertemu' aku pasti menyesal
'seandainya hati tak bertaut' aku mesti merasa rugi
'seandainya kau tak usah pergi' aku mesti lebih sakit
'seandainya aku yang tak perlu beranjak' aku pasti jauh lebih merana

tangis pun tiada
murni pun tiada

perpisahan kita tak pernah berakhir
ribuan titik hujan sibuk membilas duka
perlahan seiring di dalam namamu terukir
tak kuasa bahkan untuk sekadar nyatakan cinta

My Dear,

God surely had a taste when He created you
He was generous to give you out to the world
Don't leave just yet, stay a little longer
Outta my league, I knew, but one of the reasons why I am still standing

Lagu yang Ternyata Gak Gombal-gombal Amat

Her eyes, her eyes
make the stars look like they're not shining
Her hair, her hair
falls perfectly without her trying
She's so beautiful
And I tell her everyday (yeahh)

I know, I know
When I compliment her she won't believe me
And it's so, it's so
Sad to think that she don't see what I see
But everytime she asks me "Do I look okay?"
I say

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
'Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile
The whole world stops and stares for a while
'Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

Her lips, her lips
I could kiss them all day if she'd let me
Her laugh, her laugh
she hates but I think it's so sexy
She's so beautiful
And I tell her everyday

Oh you know, you know, you know
I'd never ask you to change
If perfect's what you're searching for
Then just stay the same
So don't even bother asking if you look okay
'Cause you know I'll say

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
'Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile
The whole world stops and stares for a while
'Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

The way you are
The way you are
Girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

Download here

I am Back

This is what is called "inspiration rush". *Gosh, look at me shouting here and there.*

Today I officially declare that those days of holding back are over. Yea I've done some risky-immoral-unethical-unfaithful things which had affected a lot of decision making processes in my life. Since I had the need to cover those deeds, I've become, unconsciously, somewhat unable to write things anymore. A friend said to me, "As you were afraid 'that' thing could come up, you had decided to cover everything".

I am past that. Believe me, I am.

Made a quite astonishing closing for myself and not to say that I am proud of what I did, but I've learnt my lessons, already. I revealed the thing to only selected friends, and will not put it here. On the other hand, this thing has shown me a lotta lotta colors of one life.

I will give a sneak peek to what it is, I mean from the values I've earned. I now fall in love with my life even more than ever before. I love the fact that I was given a chance to walk out of it and did it. I did it for the sake of myself.

I am truly thankful for the circle of trust that I am in now, that I could actually share everything with, less judgmental environment, and constructive inputs given. I must say, I am blessed with so many beautiful people around. Like I pointed out earlier, they are, they really are some of the best things that could happen to my life. Right, I have found the right direction of what I really love to do in the end.

I do not want to die just like that. Idealistic? Still, I am, but I've added some level of realism in there. Ridealistic? Whatever. I will put efforts to the dream, I will enjoy the ride, I will get drunk along with the euphoria, I will fall in and out of love, I will enjoy getting bored and dumped, and on top of that, I, will, LIVE.

Funny, how life works. Funny, it seems that now I actually have a crystal clear vision in life. Funny, if you know how to pick your point of view, how things turn out to be all-supportive and achievable.

So here I am, being able to reinvent the purpose of everything, and I am back again, ready to share all the roller-coasty days.

Thanks, Life.

The Welcome Back

my blogging frequency has reduced ever since i focused too much on the work.
i realized it was unhealthy the moment i left the company and moved to another job.
previously, loads were high, almost all of my time and thought should be put into what i was doing. there were some reasons behind this and i have learnt a lot from those days. i could list them down over here

1. Never. I repeat. Never. Ever. Bleed yourself out to master something that you dont feel liking it for more than a year. I believe that we were all born with different talents. Some are good with figures, some with people, some with documents, some with letters, some with space, some with rhythm, or paintings, and many more. Once you know what things you do like, keep doing it. Believe me, it is far more self-fulfilling, emotionally, intangibly, rather than trying to be good at something you dont like, even though they pay you well.

2. Although this may sound as bullshit, but once again, believe me, MONEY WILL ONLY BUY YOU TEMPORARY HAPPINESS. I repeat, MONEY WILL ONLY BUY YOU TEMPORARY, yes I made myself clear, TEMPORARY happiness. Money works like a junk food when you cannot put any passion into what you are doing. It feels good only at the beginning. Later it leaves no footprints but wounds in your pride, little by little. I know a lot of people who are doing what they like and earn less than I did, have clearer visions, clearer mind about their life, and healthier thoughts in their spare time.

okay i have got to go. will continue it in my other spare time

Badai

Tadi sore ada badai

Hujan dan angin

Riuh menabuh diri

Ada cerita orang bisa mengubah dirinya jadi angin

Tadi sore kukira aku bisa mencoba

Karena tidak ada di dunia ini yang tidak kucoba

Tapi mengubah diri jadi angin sepertinya ketinggian

Maka dengan enggan aku minggir

Benci sama angin yang bisa murka seenaknya

Pakai dukungan butir-butir air lagi

Ah entah siapa dukung siapa

Apakah tadi angin yang berair atau hujan yang berangin

Dasar egois.

 

 

Agustus?

Oh, ternyata gw dah ngucap perpisahan ke lo Agustus kemarin ya? ha ha. Budak perusahaan, sampe gak bisa luangin waktu ngintip ke dalam sebentar.

Harusnya kita udah pisah dong ya.

Gw jg gak ngerti kenapa gw masih terus pengen lihat elo.

Atau kenapa gw terus display ulang foto2 lo.

Atau kenapa gw terus-menerus ngubungin lo lewat segala macam cara.

Cari-cari topik pembicaraan buat chatting, menaikkan urgency masalah sampai harus telpon.

Bela-belain cari apa yang lo mau. Kuat-kuatin diri menuhin standar yang lo mau.

Padahal lo adalah a married person ya? lo punya dia. Kenapa lo gak terapin standar ke dia aja sih?

Kenapa sih lo harus se-demanding itu ke semua orang. Kenapa gw harus menjadi sosok yang lo butuhin tapi dia gak bisa penuhin? Dan setelahnya toh lo tetap bareng-bareng dia?

Pikir-pikir, selama ini gw bersusah payah jungkir balik ngeberantakin idup gw sendiri. Gw sampe harus travelling jauh-jauh sendirian hanya untuk ketemu apa yang gw mau.

Gw gak pernah salahin lo, karena ini semua atas kehendak gw.

Mungkin gw gabisa netral ke lo karena lo ga tau gw siapa sebenernya.

Makanya, demi diri gw sendiri, demi hidup gw, gw akan kasitau lo segera siapa gw.

sedikitt aja kata pisah

Aku berharap engkau senja
Tenggelam anggun ke batas cakrawala
Berpisah dan selamanya kita tak perlu bersua

Andai, senja, bisa kupetik kerling dan tawamu
pucuknya akan kusimpan dalam belaian embun dini hari
Andai, senja, mampu kupadatkan suara mu
Kubentuk bola dan kugantungkan di langit-langit kamar
Pisahmu, hawamu, anginmu

Sepertinya ini yang disebut perpisahan sepi
Karena pelaku dan kata benda sama-sama diri sendiri

Pergi, Rasa, kembali pulang
Sejak awal memang Kau tak niat mampir
Hanya aku memaksa Kau ada saat dia ada
Berharap dunia berbinar bersama matanya
Sakit berbahagia bersama tawanya
Hati berduka bersama isaknya
Waktu berlalu dalam dimensinya

Oh seandainya otak terdiri dari cuma belahan kiri
Seharusnya tak ada cerita sampai cinta mati

Senja, kita resmi berpisah di sini

Wonderwall - Oasis

Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you
By now, you should've somehow realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now

Backbeat, the word is on the street that the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before, but you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now

And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don't know how

Because maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all, you're my wonderwall

Today was gonna be the day, but they'll never throw it back to you
By now, you should've somehow realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now

And all the roads that lead you there were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don't know how

I said maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all, you're my wonderwall
I said maybe (I said maybe) you're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all, you're my wonderwall

I said maybe (I said maybe) you're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me

I Love The Way You Love Me

I like the feel of your name on my lips
And I like the sound of your sweet gentle kiss
The way that your fingers run through my hair
And how your scent lingers even when you're not here


And I like the way your eyes dance when you laugh
And how you enjoy your two-hour bath
And how you've convinced me to dance in the rain
With everyone watching like we were insane


But I love the way you love me
Strong and wild, slow and easy
Heart and soul so completely
I love the way you love me


And I like the sound of old R 'n' B
And you roll your eyes when I'm sloppily off key
And I like the innocent way that you cry
At sappy old movies you've seen thousands of times


Chorus

(Listen to me now)
And I could list a million things
I love to like about you
But they could all come down to one reason
I could never live without you

itu, anu... itu..

isi kepala belakangan itu-itu aja. mungkin memang cuma itu alasan saya selama ini.
alasan yang saya punya, yang saya pura-pura tidak notice keberadaannya. karena jika ada yang ingin diubah, alasan yang satu itu selalu menjadi pegangan saya.

itu
itu
itu
dan itu

Tamat

Aih matilah,

Kenapa isi kepala gue elu semua, oh tuhan..

All This Time

Surrendered totally

To you

I mean, totally.

haaaah

saya lelah luar biasa
mau menghilang aja mendadak
semakin ke sini fase recycle ketegangan saraf saya semakin singkat

selama ini saya melihat perlakuan yang tidak sehat
kalo gini sih tinggal nunggu waktu saya meledak



titik